Fish Wishes and Fish Dreams: The Story of Old Skool Joe

Chapter 3 Enter The Pink Panther part 2

New York City, 1983 Pinkerous slowly opened his eyes. His head was ringing from the previous night’s debauchery. He could hear the rattling of the hamster cage in the distance. Bucky was again yelling at the other female hamster. “Bitch I swear to everything holy,if you don’t get your ass off of the food dish so I can eat, then so help me God I’m gonna put my little hamster foot up your ass!” Old Skool Joe arose from his slumber, glanced over at Bucky’s cage, then made his way to the refrigerator. He first grabbed a carton of orange juice,took a huge drink, then sat on the couch next to the still groggy Pinkerous. Old Skool Joe grabbed a blunt from the grey cylinder on the coffee table and began to smoke it, exhaling an enormous cloud of smoke into Pinkerous’s face. Pinkerous disgustedly waved the smoke out of face. He coughed. Old Skool Joe laughed then said “Good morning Pink Panther. Damn man you are the first person I’ve seen that can keep up with Bucky. Definitely the first stuffed animal, you guys snorted a lot of cocaine. Yo Buck I’m gonna step out and handle a few things. Don’t forget rehearsal tonight, 3Z3 is gonna be over around four.” Old Skool Joe pushed the button on the cylinder, grabbed a few blunts, then put them in his jacket pocket. “Damn my Pink Panther has his own weed machine! How cool is that!” He patted Pinkerous on the head, grabbed his keys off of the table, and walked out of the apartment. Bucky’s cage continued to rattle loudly in the background. Pinkerous put his paw on his throbbing head, and tried to lay back down. The clinking sound of metal mixed with faint grunts now filled the room. Pinkerous jumped up and walked over to the hamster cage to see Bucky lying on a bench press lifting a tiny barbell with brass buttons for weights. The hamster slammed the barbell back on the rack as he finished his set; he sat up and saw Pinkerous peering into his cage. Bucky asked “How’s it going Pinkerous? Damn shit kind of got outta control last night. You are one cool ass alien. “ Pinkerous responded “You’re alright yourself. Hey listen buddy I hate to ask you this seeing as I just met you and all, but I could use someone with your particular set of skills.” Bucky leaned forward as Pinkerous continued “ It looks like I’m going to be here for awhile, at least until the heat dies down on me. I have a few ventures in the city, little spots where I hide assets if you will. I was wondering if you might accompany me as I get my affairs in order. You will be handsomely rewarded. Of course.” Bucky thought about momentarily then replied “Fuck it… I’m in.” The hamster reached into a pile of shavings that lined the floor of his enclosure and pulled out a small pistol. Bucky tucked the pistol into his belt and walked out of his hamster cage. Pinkerous had a brief look of shock, followed by a huge smile. Bucky sternly peered at Pinkerous and said “Alright where are we headed?” Pinkerous replied “To visit an old friend” Pinkerous and Bucky left the apartment. It was a brisk autumn day in the bustling city. They got into a cab until they reached a small pizza place located in a broken down strip mall. The tattered, faded white sign with red lettering read “Dino’s Pizza and Wings”. Pinkerous and Bucky exited their taxi and walked through the glass door. A chubby man with black hair pulled back into a ponytail wearing a red t-shirt stood behind a red counter. Pinkerous shouted “Hey Dino how the hell are ya’? Damn how long has it been? You’ve put on a few pounds eh?” Dino with a smile replied “Hey ya’ pink bastard! How long has it been?” Pinkerous jumped onto the counter and gave Dino a big hug. As they separated Pinkerous put his hand and placed it on Dino’s scarred cheek. Pinkerous asked “How’s business been?” Dino’s mood became somber as he quietly answered “We’ve been selling a lot of pizzas.” Pinkerous very subtly let out a sinister chuckle. He looked back at Bucky. The hamster scurried up the door and locked the door, returned to the floor, then stood in front of the door and pulled out his pistol. Pinkerous looked back at Dino and calmly asked “Where’s your mother.” Dino nodded towards a side door which led to an upstairs apartment. Pinkerous lightly slapped his cheek and said “You’re a good kid. Make a pie for me and my friend here. I’m gonna go say hi to your mother.” Pinkerous bounced off of the counter top, and headed towards the door. He opened it, then walked up the beige carpeted stairs to a small platform with two doors. Pinkerous knocked loudly on the worn gray door at the top of the stairs and said “Dianne honey open up it’s me.” He could hear frantic shuffling behind the door so Pinkerous knocked again. He yelled “ Open this fucking door!” Pinkerous kicked the door open to see a petite dark skinned African-American woman, wearing a leopard print sundress. She was intensely searching the room when Pinkerous entered the apartment. Pinkerous ran to the woman, jumped on her back and put her in a choke hold. Diane flailed about the apartment trying to shake free. She eventually made her way down the hall, through the bedroom doorway, and fell over face down onto a dirty mattress. Pinkerous released the hold, grabbed the woman by the back of her short black hair and asked “ Where’s my fucking money bitch?’ Dianne whimpered “It’s gone. Some guys in black suits. They said they were with the intergalactic federation. They were gonna hurt my Dino.” Pinkerous gave the woman a vicious back handed slap to the face and yelled “What does that have to do with my money? Your supposed to be selling more than pizza at this rat hole! You stupid bitch, I gave you one simple fucking job, and you can’t even do that right!” Dianne began to sob uncontrollably. Pinkerous now gently stroked her hair. “It’s okay baby. You didn’t tell them anything about me did you? Did you tell them about the closet?” Dianne sniffled, then wiped her face and gingerly answered “No daddy I didn’t tell them nothing.” Pinkerous jumped off of the bed and marched towards a nearby closet. He opened the sliding door, threw the boxes that littered the closet floor aside, and pulled up the loose carpet. Underneath the worn grey rug was a compartment with a digital lock on it. Pinkerous entered the combination and a hatch door opened. He pulled out a small black briefcase, then closed the hatch. Pinkerous walked over to Dianne who still sat crying on the floor. He reached up and gave her a huge smack on the face, which caused her to spin around face down on the floor. Pinkerous left the apartment and walked back downstairs towards the side door to the Pizza shop. Dino sat behind the counter boxing up a fresh pepperoni pizza. Bucky still stood by the locked door with his gun drawn. Pinkerous jumped up on the counter and Dino handed him the freshly packed steaming hot pizza. Pinkerous kicked the pizza box and the pie landed in Dino’s face, then grabbed his ponytail and slammed his head on the counter. Dino crumpled over behind the counter and Pinkerous turned to Bucky and calmly said “Alright looks like we’re done here. I guess back to the apartment. I would hate for you to miss your little rehearsal.”

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Old Skool Joe sat on the couch in his apartment smoking a joint as DJ 3z3 went about the business of setting up his DJ equipment. The door flung open, and in walked Pinkerous and Bucky. Pinkerous was carrying a small black briefcase and immediately placed it on the coffee table, then opened it. Bucky scurried to the kitchen, and grabbed a bag of cocaine from a cabinet. Old Skool Joe looked down at the pink alien and asked “What is that? Is that one of those portable apple robots?” Pinkerous looked up briefly with a very confused look on his face, then returned to his work. His briefcase was in fact no briefcase at all; it was a special “black box” purchased on the intergalactic black market to siphon Detroiticus government funds. Pinkerous was busy exchanging currency from his home planet for Earth liquid assets. When the upload is complete Pinkerous will have a net worth of twenty million dollars. Old Skool Joe quickly turned his attention to DJ 3z3 and asked “What’s up? Are we ready to rehearse or what?” DJ 3z3 stood behind his turntables and put on his headphones. Old Skool Joe bounced off of the couch. Bucky took his face out of a small pile of cocaine, and he and Old Skool Joe joined on the makeshift stage in the middle of the apartment. Pinkerous remained focused on his transaction. Old Skool Joe and Bucky grabbed the microphones from the DJ table, and 3z3 dropped the needle on the record. The bass from the speakers began to shake the apartment as the simple rhythm played. Boom, clap, boom boom boom, clap. Bucky B began to rap. “I’m Bucky B. In the place to be. I’m the baddest hamster. On the Bronx streets. I’m doing crime. Not doing time. Stay off my bowl. Or you will die. I won’t say it once. I won’t say it twice. I’m the hamster don. Don’t fuck with mice. I’m on a roll. Let’s all get hype. As I pass the mic. Now rock the show Old Skool Joe.” Bucky B stood with his arms folded, as Old Skool Joe began his verse. “I’m Old Skool Joe. With the old school flow. They play my jams on the radio. I am the best. And you will see. That I am the ultimate MC. Not Sugar Hill. Not Grandmaster Flash. Sucka MC’s that kiss my ass. I’m Old Skool Joe. If you didn’t know. I’m the baddest MC With the old school flows. Everybody copies me but that’s okay. Cause I’m Old Skool Joe. Not Peter Brady.” Old Skool Joe dropped the mic as DJ 3z3 began performing his legendary scratch routine. Pinkerous jumped up and cheered. Old Skool Joe was delighted that his new pink friend enjoyed the performance and said “I told you I was the greatest entertainer of all time.” Pinkerous replied “Wait…what? I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention to your incessant drivel. It just sounds like a bunch of screaming and noise. You wanna talk great Earth music then look no further than Barry Manilow my friend. This rap stuff it’s just another fad. It will never last.” Old Skool Joe waved his hand in disgust “Man what the fuck do you know? You’re just a stuffed animal.” Old Skool Joe sat down on the couch next to Pinkerous. He pushed the red button on the gray cylinder and grabbed a blunt. He lit it and exhaled a cloud of smoke. Then continued “ You say that now, but people are already making money. Hip-hop isn’t a fad, It’s a way of life. There will always be rap. We are the voice of a generation. Led by me Old Skool Joe the greatest of them all. All I need is for Sal to let us get on that stage at the Fever, so we can show the world that we are the greatest. Talking about, oh you gotta make a record first. I’m sure I could sell a million records easy.” DJ 3z3 scratched the records briefly then chimed in “Yeah!” Bucky took a small bump of cocaine and yelled “Hell yeah!” Pinkerous sat back in the chair for a minute to think. He reached for a bottle of whiskey that was nudged in between the couch cushions, then opened it and took a huge drink. It would be a long time before he could ever again to return to Detroiticus, or space at all for that matter. Why not stay here and hang out with these guys he thought. It will at least be entertaining. He did need to launder some of his money. What better way to do it than the music business? Pinkerous took another large sip of whiskey and proclaimed “Let’s make a fucking record. I’m your new manager. I charge the standard fifteen percent. Don’t worry I’ll take care of everything.” Old Skool Joe took another long drag of his cigar and blew out a stream of smoke. He coughed briefly then said “Yeah right. I’m really going to go in there with a stuffed animal as my manager.” Old Skool Joe looked at Bucky who was face down in cocaine. Then over to DJ 3z3 who gave the thumbs up. Then down at Pinkerous, he extended his hand Pinkerous reached out and shook it. Old Skool Joe said “Fuck it. Makes sense.” (to be continued)

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